I can not feel because I am not here
by the one the only ME
Summary: (pairing my cherictersesshy)As a little girl I always wonderd 'when I die can I be a ghost so I can hount every one' Then as I got older it turnd in to 'Can I be an angel so I can watch over those I love' As a chiled I never knew how lonly that would be.
1. The wondering soul

**I can not feel because I am not here**

**by: only me**

**prt one: the wondering soul**

As a little girl I always wonderd 'when I die can I be a ghost so I can haunt every one?' Then as I got older it turnd in to 'Can I be an angel so I can watch over those I love?' As a chiled I never knew how lonly the world would be if that was so. As a chiled I never know I would have to spend eternity all by my self wondering the earth. I've been dead for 5 years now and it never changes. I am still 17 years old. People still stay away from the Shindera mansion. People still havent cought my murderer and I am still alone.

I was a smart girl and very polite. Of cours I was the doghter of a monk, I had to be well behaved and respectful. I was the next prestess of our vilage. I was in training and very proud to be. I did my studys and payed close atention to spells and healing herbs. I wanted to be as good as The Lady of the Light. Never had ther been another prestess to be demon. I would be the second prestess of ledgend. People said it couldnt be done, that no one that was part dark could become a prestess but she did and I would too.

My mother was The Lady of the Light as they called her. I knew her as mother or Shiian. She was the first demon to become a prestess and tought me everything she knew. That is untill the day she died. My mom died when I was 15 in a extersisam.She gave her soul to save the soul of a chiled over taken by darkness.

I was raised by my dad then. He was never around. Always in another town doing an extercist or performing a blessing or a meirage sarimony. I cintinued my studys even after my mother died. I was determined to become the next demon prestess.

I was only 17 and out in the feilds when it happend. I was gathering herbs to perform a healing treatment on one of the elderly women of the village. He came out of no were and it all happend so fast. He tied my hands and ankles together and gagged me. I was scared but ther was nothing I could do. He did what he wanted then slit my throught.

I was floting in darkness. No light. No sound. It scared me. I thought 'I dont want to die. I cant live. I want to stay though' I remimber a flash and then there was a fire. The Shindera mansion was on fire. I draged my bleading body to the mansion to find my father inside geting out the children that wher sheltered there. He couldn't get to Alexas. She was still in bed and the fire was to strong. I got her out but I couldn't get back out my self. All the kids wher safe and I saw my father through the flames. I remimber him saying 'Your mother would be proud. I am proud of you and I love you.' He knew I was already gone and couldnt be helped.

* * *

That night the flams of the Shindera mansion lept into the dark night sky, the thik black smoke rouse up bloking out the full moon's glow, and a song so full of sarow and dispare rouse up to the heavens filling the night. Now every full moon the people of the vilage lock their doors and keep their children in and safe. For on the night of the full moon you can still hear her. Her voice so intreaging and hounting. She morns for her self and those that she lost. On the night of the full moon her soul is granted the one thing it wants. It takes its demon form and walks the earth as the living. For that one night she is flesh and blood. It is sead that if she finds some one out side the safty of their home, she takes their soul back with her. She has been cursed to walk the earth alone, with out hope. She is the wondering soul. The soul of redemption. The soul of hate. She awaits the day she is reborn. For the day she will have her revaing. 


	2. I am forever alone

**I can not feel because I am not here**

**by: only me**

**prt 2: I am forever alone**

I wander the earth this night in my flesh and blood form. My long silver hair blowing in the wind. My pearsing silver eyes hold more tails then the stares them self. I gass up at the moon longing to tuch it, to tast the milky way, and to climbe the clouds in the sky. But alase my soul will wonder the earth forever If I was to rise to the sky I would truly be happy. My voice is just as sarifole and alone as ever, rising up to the heavens. I wonder the forest looking for lost souls, a companion to be with, a lone soul as I.

I sang my song full of sadness and disspaer.

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave,

'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal.

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,

and I've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal.

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream, i'd fight away all of your fears,

and i've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.

But though you're still with me I've been alone all along.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,

and i've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

As I sang, I wonderd through the forest of Inuyasha. Kagome had gone back to her time and Inuyasha had died in the last battle. My mother hand been Kagome and Koga's doughter. I never meet my grandparents but I herd tails of their jurny with Inuyasha to retreave the Shikon no Tama. They killed Naraku and completed the jewail. It now hangs around my neck. My mother gave it to me on my tenth birthday and I have treasured it always.

I wondered through the woods wundering if there would ever be someone like me I could be with. Wundered if ther was, would they want to be around a demon prestess? I was geting close to the lake I loved. It was always so beautifal on the night of the full moon. Fire flys swormed there and huvered about a foot off the surfic. The moon reflected off the cristal clear surfic. Ther was a weping willo on the far bank surounded by flowers. I walked silently to the willo, the flowers under my feet wilting and dieing. I sat looking out over the lake singing my song once more.

* * *

(sesshy's vew)

He had been wonded by a demon in a fight. The spiter demon had been playing with him. It had gone easy on him. Leting him think he had the uper hand. Then it atacked, almost killing him. He had managed to get away but just barly. Now he walked slowly through the forest looking for Jaken. Ren had grown up and maried. For her own good he left her in a vilage. She had grown up there from the age of 10 and found love. He had missed her dearly. He felt like she was a doughter to him. 'But it was for her own good'he would remind himself every week.

Sesshomaru was about to call out to Joken when he hured a voice. The melody it sang was soft, lonly, filled with dispair. He followed the voice to a lake. Staying in the safty of the trees, he watched as a yung girl sat under a willo tree looking out over the lack, dead flowers all around her. She had a beautiful voice. So intreaging, so mesmerizing. He had never hured or seen some thing more beautiful in all the years he had been alive. He stayed quiet and watched as she sang her song.

He found him self ceriouse. He wanted to know why this angel had so much sarow, so much pain. He wundered why she was out all alone, why no one was watching over such a beautiful madin. He wanted to know and he wanted to know now. He steped out of the forest and slowly made his way twords her. He was about six feet away when a ping of pain shout through him and he fell uncontious.

* * *

(Kasitty's vew)

I hured something slump to the ground a little ways away from wher I sat. Cireous, I camly turned to look at it.

There on the growend lay a man face down in the trail of dead flowers. I stud and walked over to him. Rolling him over, I took in his features. Long silver hair, two magents stripes on each cheack and a cresont moon on his forhead. He was beautiful. He wore armer and his white fluffy tail raped around his sholred. He was wonded badly and looked very pail.

I stud and got some water. Removing the uper part of his kimono, I cleand and bandeged his wonds. I then left him and got some healing herbs. I returned to see him still out. I mixed the hurbs and went to unbandeg him to put it on but my hand passed right through him. 'Oh no' I thought as I looked up to see the sun rising slowly. I left the hurbs beside him and left.

I dint know why I helped him insted of taking his soul like I did to others. I was afer all the soul stealer, the lost soul, the grim reaper. I had reseaved many nikenames over the years. The lost soul of the earth or the soul stealer is what most called me. I didnt care any more what they called me. I just wanted some one any one to be with me. Dead, living, human, demon. I didnt care any more. I just want a friend.


	3. I come for you

**I can not feel because I am not here**

**by: only me**

**prt 3: I come for you**

I walked through the forest once more a wondering soul. As I came to a village, people running around doing their dayly chores, I hurd the pristast talking with a women. I wondered closer to them to listen.

"Please Lady Nova. Please you must heal my doughter from her sickness before the soul stealer comes for her. Please mi'lady she is but a child" the younger women was crying and hurying twords a small hut on the edge of the village.

"I will do as much as I can my child. But remimber if the soul stealer wants your doughters soul she will take it." said the older woman doing her best to keep up.

I silently followed them, a chilling breaze parting those around me. As I passed a middle aged women she looked in my direction with fear in her eyes. She backed away from the chill in the air and mumbled to her self. She turned and ran to her hut locking the door after calling in her four children. I sighed. "_I do not come for you and yours this day be calm_" I then walked in to the hut the young women and preastes had intered.

Lady Nova was leaning over the child examining her. As she sat up strat she looked at the women weaping next to her. "Your daughter has been poisend by a barry. She will not live. I am sorry." Lady Nova stud and turned to the women as she broke down in tears "I am truely sorry for your lost. Please say your good byes while you can. She has come."

The youmger women looked around tears in her eyes. She then crolled to the bed side. "I love you baby. I know you probly cant hear mama right now but I have to say this just incase you can hear. I am very proude of you. I will miss you a great deal my doughter." She then leaned down and kissed the little girl's cheack as more tears fell.

I started forwered and Lady Nova polled the crying women back and held her tight. _"Wake little one I am here to take you away so you may run through the clouds and tast the milky way. So you can have your wings and play with the stars. Wake little one I have come for you." _I wispered in to her ear.

Slowly the soul of the little girl sat up. She looked passed me at her mama and said _"Mama please dont cry"_ I could see the tears in this small child's eyes. _"How old are you child"_ I asked wiping the tears from her face. _"I am but 8"_ she replyed. I smiled _"I will make a deal with you. In ten years I will return for you. I will heal you and you will live but you must be a good little girl and care for your mama. She needs you a great deal." _I could see the light in her eyes as I said this. She huged me and said _"But why ten years"_ My only reply was_"In ten years you papa will return from war and be able to take care of her. What you must do is never tell a soul about that and promise to come with me when I return. Do you understand child?"_ She noded and I laid her back down in to her body.

I watched as the little girls eyes fluter and open. "Mama?" she said weakly looking around. The women looked up and started to whale. She huged her doughter close and tight."I thought I was gana lose you baby" she cryed in to her little girl's hair. "Dont cry mama. The angel said I can stay" the little girl said huging her mother "Oh baby I know" the cryed still holding her littler girl close and tight.

I watched with a slight smill. _"I grant you the wish of staying with her till the age of 18. I will returl my little one and you will come as you have promised." 'Mama I hope you are proud I could not take her away. She needs her mama as much as her mama needs her. I could not leave a mother with out her child just like you did not want to leave your child with out a mother' _I though as I walked out of the hut. I gassed up at the sun. It was a beautiful day with beautiful skys. I only wish to have some one to share it with.

(with jaken and sesshomaru)

Jaken ran through the woods calling "Mi'lord! Mi'lord wher are you?" He came across a lake and saw him. "Mi'lord!" he cryed runing to the awaking inu. "Mi'lord I was so worried! You did not return last night! I have been out surching for you. I am so glade to have found you mi'lord. Are you hurt? Do I need fetch AhUn?" The toad demon rambaled on.

"Jaken" said an ice cold voice.

"Yes mi'lord?" the little toad demon looked up at his lord now siting up.

"You have been looking for me all night and morning have you not?" said the yuoki looking at the bandiges and almost heal wond. "Iy mi'lord. All night and morning. This fathfull survent would not leave his lord o.." The toad demon was cut off by his lord jurcking the staf out of his hands and bashing him over the head with it. "I told you to stay with Rin you slimy toad." said the cold voice. "For give this welp of a surven mi'lord! I was worried of your safty!" the toad cowered. He was then hit over the head again. "You think I Lord Sesshomaru needs your protection? You dishoner me toad"

With that he hit the toad in the head, droped the staf, and stood. Fixing his kimono Sesshomaru gave Jaken a good kick. "Go make your self use full and watch over Rena as you were told." He then turned and walked in to the woods.

Jaken skuried and ran after his lord. "Mi'lord the girl is with her father now it was time for her lesson. I'm sorry mi'lord please dont leave me."

A hour passed and Sesshomaru reintered to the clearing by the lake carying a dead dear on his sholder. Droping it by the fire the Joken had made, he sat down under the willow tree looking at all the dead flowers around him. 'Why are they all dead?' he thought to him self.

Sudenly out of the corner of his eye he saw an orange and black blure runing at him. "Sesshomaru-sama!" squealed a little girl as she latches onto Sesshomarus neck. "Sesshomaru-sama Rena has missed you alot mi'lord. Rena is glad you are back." The little girl let go of his neck and sat in his lap.

Sesshomaru looked at the little girl in his lap and the slitest hint of a smile played on his face for just a second then vanished as if it had never been. "I missed you too Rena." he said in an imotionless tone and patted her on the head. "Rena why are you not with your father and mother?" The little girl looked up at him. "Mama said I could come visit you she and papa had to go see Aunt Reka they said something was wrong with Ammy but they wouldnt let me go." Rena looked around them. "Lord Sesshomaru why are all the prity flowers black and crumpled?" she asked inocently looking up at him again. "They are dead Rena." Sesshomaru replied. "Why are they dead?" she asked. "I do not know" he said.

As jaken fixed the dear meat for them to eat, Sesshomaru thought of the women he saw the night before and why she had helped him. 'Who was she?' he thought to him self. They ate and Rena crowled up in Sesshomaru's lap and fell asleep. Sesshomaru had a hint of a smile again and his tail raped around the little girl to keep her worm. Then he himself fell in to a very light sleep.

(Kasitty's veiw)

I made my way back to the Shindera mansion singing a my song to my self. I sang in my same mainer I always did. Sad and depresed.

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave,

'cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal.

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,

and I've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal.

This pain is just too real.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream, i'd fight away all of your fears,

and i've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.

But though you're still with me I've been alone all along.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,

when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,

and i've held your hand through all of these years,

but you still have all of me.

As I intered the burnt down mansion, I wiped a single tear from my eye. I went in to the library and sat in the midle of the room wher the light of the moon shown through. I sat there and looked at a book that was burnt but still read able. I sighed as I thought of the demon I saw back in the woods. 'Why was he hurt? What hurt him? Why did I hepl him? Why didn't I take his soul like I do to all the others who are dying?' I sighed again and looked up at the moon and started to sing my song once more.


End file.
